Ten Lessons

Ten lessons about working with men on gender equality in India
1. Gender equality is not a competition between women and men for reaching a goal of the superior human, a position that men occupy at this point due to patriarchy. Gender equality is not a tussle to topple men from that position. 
2. Patriarchy has historically created privileges for men, creating asymmetry in power and privilege between women and men. To undo that we do not need a new competition for power, we need a new understanding of how power and privilege have created this asymmetry.
3. Men need to understand their privileges and the power that has accrued to them as ‘men’, but this is not done most effectively confronting them or blaming them. They become defensive, feel cornered and often miss the point.
4. Gender is neither the ‘only’ nor the ‘most’ pernicious social hierarchy in society. For achieving equality and social justice it is not useful to get into competitive victimhood, but understand the interplay of different social hierarchies which create an intersectional interface of privilege and disadvantage. Most of us, and not just men, are unwilling to give up privileges but with increasing empowerment fret against disadvantages or oppression. 
5. The idea of social justice transcends gender discrimination, and encompasses all forms of social hierarchies which create unjust conditions for some human compared to others. Social justice is not about material equality for all individuals, but equality of opportunity to live dignified, healthy human lives. Each individual should have opportunities and capacities to make choices in their own interest, without harming the interest of others. 
6. Social justice is not just about the consciousness of rights or claims, from others and from systems. It is also about obligations, to others personally, socially and institutionally. This means both taking space and making space. This consciousness also applies to men and women, as well as the privileged and the oppressed.
7. Gender equality is embedded in relationships. Our deepest relationships are those which are unconditional, reciprocal, respectful as well as fulfilling and fun. These characteristics usually apply to peer-relationships between friends but can easily apply to relations between father and daughter, brother and sister, husband and wife, sexual partners and so on. The increasing quality of relationship can become a huge reinforcement for gender equality.
8. Before exploring gender relationships it is useful to create a sense of ‘moral outrage’ among men around an area of gender discrimination or violence. This outrage creates a situation where men examine the social interplay of gender relationships in their own lives- without necessarily feeling defensive or cornered.
9. Any intimate relationship can become a starting point to explore gender equality. It can start with sharing housework, having conversations, spending time together, having fun. These efforts can be met with resistance and/or ridicule. Having peers undertaking the same experiment is important for sharing, joint analysis of the experiences and encouragement to each other. This also deepens peer relationship among friends and creates a social solidarity.
10. An idea of social justice along with improved relationships at home and among friends creates a powerful vehicle for social transformation through collective action. And this does not require all men to be part of the exercise.

http://menengage.org/ten-lessons-about-working-with-men-on-gender-equality-in-india/

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