Hey Man, What are You doing At Home?

Hi!

We are now into the second week of Lockdown. This is like no other time that I can remember. From my middle-class South Delhi home its not such a bad time though. The sky is blue, the shops selling essential stuff are open, the temperature is still pleasant, and you can hear birdcall and smell the flowers instead of the perpetual din and smell of unending traffic. The news of the millions of people who fled in fear and uncertainty from the cities only to be held back, doused in hypochlorite solution and forced into wayside quarantines is disturbing, but we are safely ensconced in the safety of our homes. The internet lines are humming and the work from home regimen is not a problem as long as the cups of coffee and tea and pakoras keep coming.   

One thing that the lockdown has done to us men is that most of us are now in unfamiliar territory. Even though we would like to be known as the kings of our castle, the master of the home and hearth, lords of our mansion, actually we are more familiar with the public domain. The offices, board room, stadia, pubs, teashop, the nukkad, the chowpal are our usual stomping grounds. The kitchen, dining room, aangan, or gusal are not our favorite territory and cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, laying the table, feeding the kids and the long list of unending domestic chores are not the stuff that men can lay any claim to be experts in. Or at least in the daily sense. Leaving the few celebrity chefs, designers, couturiers aside. And anyway, the rumour is that most such men may not be our type of men any way.

But hang on there are certain things that we are known to be doing at home, at least a fair number of us, but it is not good-manners to talk of these things, at least in public. The figures say that nearly a third of all men, beat up women who are their relatives, at home. Mostly their wives, sisters, daughter and even their mothers in some cases. The drunken lout is the preferred trope but men are known to have beaten up their wives for numerous reasons.  Women and girls are also locked up, abused, denied food and health care, and compelled to do many things that they don’t want to or don’t like to. Also, children are known to be walloped for various reasons. Now that men are staying at home in such humungous numbers, I wonder whether we need to be worried whether our comrades are practicing these domestic skills. But then you assure me that this is not what happens in middle class families, so let’s not get too taken in by these concerns.  

What then are the men actually doing when they are not ‘working from home’? I know they are watching Netflix, or Prime Video, or Hotstar or Youtube or doing endless rounds of forwards of fake news and articles on Covid 19. But what else? They must be having endless rounds tea or coffee and pakoras, and chips. Who is making these? Now that they are home and the grocery and fresh vegetable shops have started opening and the delivery from the online grocers have resumed the kitchen is stocked. Its not possible to have the same rajma chawal or alu ki sabji and roti every day is it? Is the variety of dishes we have now become used to being delivered by Swiggy or Zomato or any such app based delivery boy? Oh no, so many of these boys actually started walking home so its down to the home kitchen to serve the chilly chicken and momos and lasagna. Its great to be exposed to such a diversity of cuisine in Indian cities nowadays. But come on you didn’t say who is cooking these delicious offerings. The ‘bai’ and cooking lady and stuck at home managing her own partners wishes, so its probably darling mamma or the poor ‘wife’. And we all know when she cooks it’s never as good as mamma makes is, isn’t it?

Come on man, get off your butt. There is much to be done. I know you are not going to office or work but the shorts and vest you are lounging in all day needs to be washed. They wont walk to the washing machine from the laundry basket. The kids can’t be left to their video games and cartoons all day. Tell them some stories from your own childhood. When did you last play Monopoly or Scrabble or any other board game with them. Do you know what daughters favourite song is? Why don’t you two sing together to a karoke version from the internet. And your son’s favourite dish? Why don’t you two rustle up the ingredients and spring a surprise on the others at home. Your son may just take a shine to cooking. After all who know if he will have to face a lockdown some day when he is grown older. Boys can’t be left to be boys anymore can they? The world is changing.
I know you cant go our for a walk with your dearest girlfriend or your spouse or a drive or a dinner or a date. But then what can you do beside watch the big screen together with the remote in your hand? Get creative man and make your time at home together count. 

Oh yes, I hear you Bro, you don’t have kids. There are no girl friends or wife for you to romance . But you must be Mama’s boy, or maybe granny’s ladla, aren’t you? Are they bending backwards to make you your favorite dishes that you didn’t even ask for? Did they ask you what you would like for dinner before you finished your breakfast. You don’t go to office so there is no work from home for you. Its online classes and then hours of chatting with friends. It’s a pity you can’t go zooming out on your new bike and hang out with the others. Its such a drag to be indoors all day. You can’t wait till this lockdown is over and you can get back to your favourite haunts. But that will have to wait for some time now.

Come on Bro. Let’s get on with it Man. There’s a lot to be done at home. Get off your butt, the dishes are waiting to be done.

Cheers!