Masculinities today: Challenges and Possibilities Before Young Men

I started my professional career as a village doctor. Later I moved on to public health and my focus shifted to improving healthcare services. Today, I am in that stage of life which is called Vanaprastha, and I live in a small village in Uttarakhand. This allows an opportunity to reflect upon the lessons that I have learnt. At my age, I should not be speaking about the struggles of young people, but from experience gleaned over the years there are some things I wish to share with you.

Living among and working with people from north Indian villages, I realized that women’s social status has a deep impact on their health. This understanding inspired me to study their lives, especially around their health-related problems more seriously and to work toward solutions. In this process, I also gradually started to understand the social life of men and about their so-called masculinity. How it is constructed, what factors influence it, and how its effects appear in society and affect them.

For the last twenty-five years, I have worked with men to help them recraft their masculinity into a form that is less aggressive and more sensitive. I have worked in several states of India and tried to help men contribute towards building a healthier, friendlier, just and equitable society.

Before understanding the situation of youth in our country today, I want to introduce you to three young men from my village.

Sher Singh is 28 years old. He has been driving a taxi for the past five years. He did not complete his tenth grade, and he is not yet married. His family has not found a suitable girl, because young women no longer prefer a farming family with milch cattle. It’s too much work, and not an aspiration for girls who are now increasing completing High School Since he had no interest in farming, his father sold some land and bought him a taxi. At present, he owns a small Maruti car. But now most passengers prefer a bigger taxi, while he does not have money to purchase a bigger vehicle. He is thinking of asking his father to sell more land, but he has two younger brothers and one sister. His sister is doing her MA in Nainital, one younger brother helps in farming, and the other works in a tour company outside the village. Every evening, Sher Singh loves to take a peg or two before returning home.

Ramesh Ram is 25 years old. His father used to work as a muleteer. They had two mules, and his father would ferry produce and building materials up and down the slopes. Now he has taken up the same work. He completed a course in electrical work from the Industrial Training Institute (ITI), and he even got an apprenticeship in Rudrapur. But during COVID the company shut down, and he lost his job. At the same time, his father also passed away. Out of compulsion, Ramesh continued his father's trade, although he absolutely dislikes this work. But he is the only earning member in the family. Ramesh is married. His wife’s name is Munni. They have two children, his daughter goes to kindergarten, and his son studies in primary school.

Shafiq is 18 years old. He works as a helper in a bike repair and tyre-puncture shop. His home is in Ramnagar, but he lives with his uncle, who has a welding shop. The family is living in a rented house in our village. Four years ago, after COVID, his uncle started this shop, when construction boomed. Shafiq came here two years ago. Everything was normal until recently. In recent months, after a few incidents in Nainital and Haldwani, tension against Muslims has increased in our village too. Not long ago, someone deliberately hit his uncle’s vehicle, which created more tension at home. The whole family is under stress, and Shafiq’s mother keeps urging him to return home.

Looking at the lives of these three, we notice some issues of concern. All three do have some occupation or work, yet they face many challenges. The challenges facing young men today can be divided broadly into two categories. The first, which is easier to understand, are the practical challenges. The second, which is more subtle but equally important, concerns their masculinity.

We are all familiar with the practical challenges facing the youth. It is said that economic progress is easier in countries where the youth population is high. This is called the Demographic Dividend. But in India, unemployment has become a very big problem. A recent report from the International Labour Organization (ILO) tells us that about 80% of the unemployed are young people. The worrying fact is that the more highly educated someone is, the greater the chance of unemployment. In the last twenty years, unemployment among young people has increased by about 30%. The highest levels of unemployment are among graduates.

It is not just unemployment, but lack of skills is also a big challenge. Data shows that about 75% of our youth do not know how to send an attachment by email, and nearly 60% do not know how to perform simple tasks like copy–paste on a computer. The skills that industries expect are not what young people are trained in. That is why, even after completing their formal education, it is not easy for them to find jobs. The education system has not been successful in preparing our youth for the employment opportunities of today.

The condition in rural areas is even more worrying. Land holdings are small. Climate change and irregular weather have made farming unpredictable and unremunerative. The demand for traditional industries and handcrafts has decreased. There are no facilities for skill development in contemporary trades. It becomes even harder for rural youth to find work. Along with all this, social conservatism and gender bias also limit employment opportunities. Because of unemployment, lack of basic infrastructure, and inequality, people do not want to live in villages anymore.

That is why, every year, millions of young men leave their villages and migrate to cities. They seek better opportunities, lifestyle, and facilities. Facets of urban life that now are easily accessible through the internet and social media. But the truth is that even in cities, jobs are limited, housing is insufficient, and infrastructure is under strain. As a result, urban areas face over-crowding, poverty, and pressure on public systems. Life there is equally challenging.

Now let us try to understand the challenges arising from masculinity in such a situation. But before understanding masculinity, one must look at the idea of gender first. Gender norms create the rules in society for women as well as men.  They determine what roles, jobs, and responsibilities are appropriate for men and women. Because of such thinking, women are often considered weak and are discriminated against. Resources and opportunities are unequally distributed. Women are exploitated. Men on the other hand are given more importance, a higher status. And this social setup is not just based on gender, but also gets influenced by class, religion, caste and so forth. To achieve gender equality, a widely accepted social goal, it is important to educate, empower, and make women self-reliant. Without women’s empowerment, gender equality is impossible. But alongside, it is equally important to study the impact of gender on men and their masculinity. Without this, true equality cannot be achieved.

In our society, a heavy burden of masculinity is placed upon young men, which creates pressures on them from inside. They are expected to handle everything outside the home, support the family, always succeed, and never give up. Failure is linked to their “loss of manhood” and dignity. They are told never to cry, never to appear weak, and never to ask for help—because that is considered “unmanly.”

Society calls them the “head of the household” and gives them higher status than women, but at the same time imposes the responsibility of “protecting” women. This kind of thinking not only puts pressure and stress on boys, it also increases inequality between boys and girls.

As human beings, to be sad, to be hurt, to have failures, and weaknesses are a part of life. Men too should have the freedom to live like humans - without pressure. Only then can we build a society where men and women live with equality.

Masculinity determines men’s place in society; their status compared to women, and their position in comparison to other men. Patriarchy and the caste system play a major role in shaping and strengthening masculinity in India. Society expects men to protect, manage, and uphold the honor of their families. But today, changing circumstances have created challenges for men’s and ability to fulfil the expectation of their own masculinity. Young men begin to doubt: Am I really a man?

A new kind of insecurity is rising among young men. They feel unable to fulfill roles assigned to them. Society is changing. Women are becoming empowered, and caste arrangements are also slowly shifting. Along with this, work opportunities are shrinking. The way this insecurity is handled is troubling. Among poor and younger men, alcoholism is increasing. The rate of male suicide has increased by about 40% in the last ten years. Also, many are giving vent to their frustrations through violence and aggression toward weaker people. These include women, Dalits, and people practicing other religions.

And others are taking advantage of this insecurity. Various forces are using young men’s insecurity for their own interests. By fueling this insecurity, they push men toward spreading hate, physical violence, fights, and even self-harm. As a result, violence and hate have increased in society. Insecure young men unknowingly become tools in someone else’s agenda.

Looking toward the future, we must find ways that bring positive change to society. First, we need to create a safe and trusting environment in young people’s practical lives. Alongside, we must look at masculinity from a new perspective. We need to move toward an alternative masculinity where sensitivity and equality have value, rather than superiority and domination. The path forward has to include women’s empowerment along with wider social justice, and the development of a new, empathetic masculinity among men. This is the only direction that can take us toward a just and equal society.

Let’s consider for a moment, if masculinity were not identified by showing strength or dominating others. Instead inner peace and calmness were more valued. Our society could become different. Men who have emotional security are not troubled by uncertainties. They do not stop achieving but they do not consider achievements that require pulling down others the path forward. They have empathy, and they can connect even with people who are different from them. When a person is secure in his heart, he does not feel threatened by others. Such men do not blame others for their problems, nor do they choose violence and anger. Instead, they provide support to others and extend a helping hand when needed. This is the alternative masculinity, which is neither violent nor aggressive—but based on humanity and equality.

I am not saying this just from my imagination. My experience is, It is indeed possible!

To create new men, we must raise our boys differently. It is not only about bringing girls at par with boys but also making boys equal with girls. If girls can go out, and not only into the wide world but into outer spaces as well, boys too must learn all household work. They need to learn about helping out, and caring for others. From childhood, boys must be nurtured with empathy and sensitivity. Society must understand that lessening the unnecessary pressure to “be a man” is crucial. At the same time, from childhood we must connect children with the idea of social harmony, so that they rise above caste, religion, language, or regionalism, and understand citizenship properly. True citizenship is not only seeking one’s own rights but also respecting the rights of others.

Only when we teach this from early childhood will we be able to create a new generation of kind,  sensitive and equal men. And our country will move towards a new future.

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Note: The names given (Sher Singh, Ramesh Ram, Shafiq) are fictional, but the circumstances are based on real situations.